More of that shit humor everyone seems to love so much�
I don�t know what manner of butt tickler I consumed this morning, but by midday it was begging to be released. Unfortunately for me and my tighty-whities it�s been awhile since I did laundry, it�s one of those days when you are down to those old underwear your mom bought you in high school, and work was keeping me too busy to find the time to visit the �ol shit box.
I don�t know when the last time you�ve had to relieve yourself of a few extra pounds of mud, but you can only hold it for so long before the turtle starts peaking its head out. Having fought back the turtle and been barreled over in gut wrenching agony, I finally succumbed to the fear of the white tip hanging out my ass being joined by his brown friends, so off to the bathroom I headed.
I suppose I should explain a little more about the environment I find myself in every day before I go on with the story. I work on the first floor of a four-story office building made up of various businesses in various industries. I�d say a little over 30 businesses reside here and we all share the cumulative total of 4 bathrooms, so its always a surprise when you enter one and today was no exception.
I threw the door open, doing my best to hold back the urge to squirt in my pants by doing some weird strut that can only be described as a duck waddle. I let myself relax for a moment as I realized the bathroom was empty, which almost resulted in a stinky surprise landing in my shorts. I made my way to the lone stall and slowly pushed the door open.
If you could imagine you just walked into a room full of 200 birds, 12 cats, and 5 dogs that have been pent up and shitting all over the floor for about 2 weeks, you�d almost be able to see what I saw. I don�t know what manner of carnage went on in there before I arrived but whether it was someone doing target practice by standing on the toilet seat and dropping bombs, someone whose ass is so stretched they spray, or it was someone so fat they weren�t quite sure where their poop shoot was anymore, but to say something exploded in there would be a vast understatement.
Not wanting to expose myself to hepatitis or some other form of deadly shit bacteria, I quickly made my exit. Next level, locked. Third level, under construction for fucks sake. After making my way, very uncomfortably, up four flights of stairs I finally found a locale where I could relax and let my bowels do the talking.
Fortunately for me and you, I did not suffer a life ending brain aneurism while pinching a loaf and was able to share my experience in fecal fun with all of you.
Until next time kids,
j
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