Like Sands through the hour glass...
Last night I was laying in bed, just coasting through my normal 40-35 minutes of incoherent brain ramblings while desperately hoping to fall asleep, when it suddenly occurred to me that at some point in the last 15 plus years I�d lost that feeling you used to get as a kid when you were trying to stay up late. You know the one, the one that gets you thinking you are all Billy Badass and shit because you stayed up until 3:00am. That�s when I said to myself, �Screw it!�
I hopped out of bed, threw on some clothes and headed to the store. Fortunately for me, there�s not a lot of attractive women hanging out at the grocers after ten o�clock so I didn�t have to worry about looking all suave and debonair. Once inside I made a b line for the soda isle. After a few seconds of searching I grabbed some Jolt Cola, double the sugar, double the caffine� double the carbs� I put the Jolt back and grabbed some Diet Rite, carb count 0, cha ching. Oh and a taste factor of zero to boot, liquid shite this stuff is. I would have opted for the Miller Lite as it is also low in carbs, but since the wife is in bed and be any other attractive women just magically appearing in my house, thereby eliminating any chance of scoring I had, I felt it safer to stay away from the downer effects of alcohol and instead concentrate on the magical powers of caffeine.
Upon purchasing my soda, I scooted on over to the in-store video rental service to check out their selection of B Horror flicks. They always seemed to help me stay awake as a kid and since my mission was to recapture that feeling of achievement staying up late provided, there I was. The Legend of the Boggy Creek Monster, Return to Boggy Creek, Killer Clowns from Outer Space, Ghoolies, C.H.U.D., Evil Dead, Re-Animator, Dead Alive, Basket Case, The Toxic Avenger, Phantasm, Night of The Living Dead, its sequels, they seemed to have all the classics. But since, I already own most of these and I don�t watch videos anymore, DVDs are just too damn good, I decided to head home.
Quicker than you could say M. Night Shyamalanadingdong, I found myself home, in front of the boob tube, watching the 300th showing of �Signs� running this month on Stars. OK, so Stars isn�t showing Signs, but I had to tie in the M Night Shyamalan comment some how. I was, however, able to witness the myriad of crap that masquerades as late night television these days. Before long I realized my quest to regain the joyous feelings of my youth was nothing more than an exercise in futility and I headed off to bed.
Today I find myself paying more attention to the clock than my work, longing to return home to the comfort of my california king sized bed. It�s starting to dawn on me, staying up late isn�t fun anymore because I have to get my ass up to earn a living so I can live up to my responsibilities as the alpha male that I am. Damn it, I must be starting to get old. When I start turning down trips to the bars and stop having meaningless sex with strange women, then I know I will truly be old.
Have fun,
j
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