Herman�s Head
So, last night I am laying in bed thinking as I always do when I am trying to sleep and I start to wonder, �What would I do if I ran into a famous porn star in a bar?� Play it cool, of course. I�d be all sly and pretend like I didn�t recognize her from that scene from Ball Breakers where she's in the men�s restroom of Yankee Stadium having a three-way with Betty Boobs and Dick Dastardly. And of course this makes me think, �Yeah, she�d dig that and be all over me.� After we move in together and she caught me watching Uncle Bangers 54 or 24x7 Compton Honeys 12, I�d say, �Baby, I am only watching porn �cause you got me hooked on it.� She�d never buy that though, because everyone knows all guys masturbate, therefore I must have watched porn and have an extensive collection stored on my computer or in a box labeled �oven mitts� in the basement.
Then I started thinking, �If all guys masturbate, does that mean the President also masturbates?� I wonder does he lock the door to the Oval Office, close the blinds on the windows, dim the lights, put on a little Coltrane on the Truman Phonograph, and with the latest issue of Interns Monthly, curl up on the Jefferson Sofa with his pants around his ankles and do the knuckle shuffle on the piss pump. Does he have special spankerchiefs marked with the presidential seal that cost $25,000 each to make to government specs?
Some time after all that thinking, I finally fell asleep.
Until next time kids,
j
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