Inspiration comes in all forms.
Mine came in the form a pork tornado. What�s a pork tornado you ask? It, or rather he, is none other than diarrhealand�s, I know it�s not original but I am not one to let a poop joke pass me by, back on topic, he is diaryland�s very own celebrity journalist. I say celebrity, when I in fact have no proof of that other than the fact I was emailed a random link to one of his entries from a complete stranger. Therefore in my world he must be a celebrity and after wasting, but enjoying, countless hours reading what he calls his �mental drippings� I can come to no other conclusion.
Now I find myself taking a stab at what is becoming a more and more popular project for us web denizens, the blog. Since I hate that term and everything it stands for I�ll stick to calling mine a journal. Diaries are for girls, as I am sure you are all too well aware.
The big question now is, what the hell am I suppose to write about? I am not a celebrity and although I find my own inane humor funny, I find those around me generally don�t. If I had a nickel for every time someone peed there pants as a result of my quick witted retorts, I�d have almost enough change to pay the tax on a bite-sized snickers bar, which I wouldn�t do because if I only had one nickel I would probably just lose it. A sock full of nickels would be a whole different story.
Let�s see, I guess I could talk about what all is going on right now so you can become some what acquainted with the hotcarl. First, my name is not Carl, its James. I am in the process of buying my third house. No, I don�t own three homes; this new one would be the third in succession. I am employed as the jack-of-all-trades for a small but successful Internet Service Provider here in KC, that�s Kansas City for those of you who live in a box. My jack-of-all-trades duties consist of everything from administering a large linux/unix LAN to graphic design for ad campaigns to programming to supporting Granny when she can�t open the pictures she just received of her grandkids eating their own feces. In addition to working far more than I would like, I also have a wife and two young, cute, super intelligent, super powered kids at home that take up most of my free time. I kid you not about the super intelligent thing; I think my 5 year old daughter will one day conspire with my 1 year old son to take over the world, which is good because I too have plans for world domination. *insert maniacal cackle here* Aside from all of that, I do like to go out to the local pubs n� clubs as often as I can, I like to gamble, I like watching every movie and critiquing them as though I were Gene Siskel, I enjoy long walks on the beach, my measurements are 36-25-34, umm wait no that�s not right, sorry I got off track.
So that is about all there is to know about me, well all I feel like sharing for now anyway. I am sure we will spend some fun times together and have a few laughs. Not really, I have no idea who you are and I can�t say as I would be laughing with you as more likely I will be laughing at you, because I am not interesting enough for you to be wasting your time reading this. Speaking of time, I am still at the office and have probably wasted enough of it at this point.
Until next time, kids
j
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