Things I think I know.
I think if you are in the fast lane on the highway and I have to pass you on the right, you are a dumb goat fucker who never learned that slower traffic merges to the right.
I think all cars should be equipped with bull horns, so I can tell you what a shitty driver you are as I ride your ass like an African horse fly.
I think coffee cans and stickers on cars don�t make them go any faster.
I think spinners are shinny and hypnotic and Imusthavethemandkillwhomever lordsatanasksmetokillastheallmightyspinnerhasbeckonedofme�
I think shiny objects attract the masses like raccoons. Bling-bling.
I think if you have a Jesus fish on your car, you are not happy with your life and hope your faith in God will somehow result in money spewing from your arse, which only happens if you are Oral Roberts.
I think if you believe there is a vast right-wing conspiracy, you probably smoked too much dope at the last anti-bush pep rally.
I think if you believe there is a liberal conspiracy to turn us all into some form of communist, ass pirates, intent on saving the worlds poor by paying higher and higher taxes on everything deemed a sin (smoking, drinking, driving, etc.) by the powers that be, you are probably right. But then again, I still think the limo driver shot JFK right before he morphed into a three-toed sloth and beamed up to his secret base on the moon, so what do I know.
I think if you love someone hard enough and you make strides everyday to show them, they are bound to love you back or suffer spontaneous combustion. I am still testing this theory and as of this date, only two people have been seriously burned.
I think beer and most liquors taste like shit, and if you say they don�t you are a liar.
I think the beautiful effects of beer and most liquors warrant perpetrating the lie of their great tastes.
I think if you feel like it�s time to go home and call it a night, it�s probably a good time to go home and call it a night. Nothing good can come from going home with the fat chick.
I think after-hours parties are a last ditch attempt for people to try to get laid.
I think the 3:00 am booty call is under rated.
I think the 6:00 am wake up call was a bad idea.
I think what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas is a good motto.
I think I should move to Vegas.
I think if you actually believe people read this shit, you are on a self induced ego trip. Behold the self loathing.
j
P.S. I think today is 420 and we should all give thanks.
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