Oh great! Now there is going to be cats all over the place.
This policy covers how hotcarl treats personal information that hotcarl collects and receives, including information related to your past. Personal information is information about you that is personally identifiable like your name, address, email address, phone number, or sexual partners, and that is not otherwise publicly available.
Hotcarl uses information for the following general purposes: to customize the advertising and content you see, fulfill your requests for products and services, improve our services, contact you, conduct research, provide anonymous reporting for internal and external clients, extort money from you, shame you into having meaningless sex with hotcarl, and illicit free gifts from you, which such generous gestures will go unreciprocated.
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The other day, Sunday to be exact, I was standing in line at the local grocer getting ready to check out and finalize my purchase of assorted jellies, meat patties, tampons, hemorrhoid cream, butt paste, herpes cream, and various other ointments I am not quite comfortable sharing with all of you, when the Checkout Nazi asked me for their coupon, marketing info gathering, track you like a loan gunman, store discount card. The conversation went something like this:
Checkout Nazi
Hello sir. Do you have your store card?
hotcarl
Umm, no.
Checkout Nazi
Oh, you don't. What are you some kind of freak?
hotcarl
Umm, no?
Checkout Nazi
Yes sir, you are a freak. Everyone has a store card. Here give me your name address and phone number and I will get you one.
hotcarl
No, thanks.
The Checkout Nazi shakes her head in disgust and turns toward the lady who is just finishing putting her bags of freshly purchased products in her cart to leave.
Checkout Nazi
Excuse me ma'am.
Ma'am
Yes?
Checkout Nazi
This ass hat behind you doesn't have a super shopper savings card.
Ma'am
What? Is he some kind of freak or something?
Checkout Nazi
I think so. Would you mind if he used your card?
Ma'am
Yes, please do! What kind of an ass hat doesn't have a super-duper shopper savings card?
Checkout Nazi
The freaky weirdo kind. He wouldn't even take one when I offered to give him one for free.
A complete look of shock comes over Ma'am's face.
Checkout Nazi
Thank you again, Ma'am. Here is your card back.
The Checkout Nazi turns back towards me, shaking her head all the while.
Checkout Nazi
Lucky for you she is such a nice lady. Using her card saved you almost three cents.
Checkout hotcarl
Umm, thanks?
I gathered up my assorted shite and got the hell up out of there before they announced on the PA to the whole store that I refused to get my free superity-duperity shopper savings special card.
I later returned and shot the Checkout Nazi. Her head came apart like a popped zit. Ok, I am just kidding about that, it was more like a squashed grape.
What is this world coming to? Marketing is getting out of control. Our banks are recording what we buy, our credit card companies are recording what we buy, our grocery stores are recording what we buy, I suppose we should just be greatful grocers are willing to save us a few pennies and aren't just taking the info and selling it to everyone else without atleast giving us a tiny consolation prize.
Screw it, I am going to go get me one of those cards and then I am going to spend the next six weeks buying nothing but maxi pads, oscar meyer wieners, and condoms.
