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The Undocumented Blogger

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Wanna play army? I'll lay down and you blow the hell out of me.

I had this really funny strip all drawn up and laid out. It was all about National Apology day, since today is National Apology day. What�s that? It�s not? Yeah, I figured that out when I started doing a little research. National Apology day is Jan. 23rd. That�s what I get for listening to the morning radio show and talking it as gospel. Now I�ve wasted a day of doodle time that I will never get back. I guess you�ll just have to wait until January 23rd, 2005 to see how I fit National Apology day, 2 Goats, a boat, and 12 angry lesbians into a single 3 panel strip and still make with the funny.

It�s Friday again and I am looking forward to yet another weekend of manual labor out in the new yard. To make room for and put up our wooden swing set and play area, last weekend my brother-in-law, Uncle Donnie, came by and we tore out an old wooden swing set, play area, and garden the previous owners left behind to torment me with and managed to get the new one constructed and all put securely into place without keeling over from a heart attack. Now all I have to do to finish the job is lay new sod in all the exposed mud holes that were left behind from ripping out the weed infested garden and do some repair to the back deck to make it look all fancy and shite and I�ll be done.

I thought of a good prank the other day, now all I need is a few willing compatriots and an unmarked white van and we can pull it off. I was thinking, we could go by and �borrow� a bunch of those new thin orange barrels, which shouldn�t be hard to do as thousands of them now cover the shoulders of most major roads in the KC area. Right before rush hour, we load up the van and start traveling down the highway. Starting from the left lane, we pull over to the inside shoulder and hop out with a couple barrels and set them in the lane angling traffic towards the middle lane. Then we�ll move the van and put two more in the middle lane and so on until the entire interstate is shut down going one direction. Imagine the looks on people�s faces as they think they now have to merge and then their look as they realize you are closing off the whole road in front of them. I bet it would take hours to sort out, cops not knowing if it was legit and having to contact the DOT (Department of Transportation) to get it all sorted out. I bet that�s not even a crime. At most they could probably write us a ticket for littering or public nudity or something else along those lines.

That reminds me of a prank I used to pull in high school, before everyone had caller ID. Everyone�s well aware of the old pizza delivery trick, but I added a little twist.

Step 1: Pick a random or not-so random phone number from the phone book, being sure to note the Name and Address of the subject.

Step 2: Call the subject and pretend to be Pizza Slut delivery.

Me

Hello, This is Brian with Pizza Slut delivery. I was just calling to confirm your order of two extra large pepperoni and mushroom pizzas.

Prankee

What? I didn�t order any pizza.

Me

This is Mr. Johnson at 1821 S West St isn�t it?

Prankee

Yes, but I didn�t order any pizzas.

Me

Not again, can you hold on for one second?

Prankee

Sure.

Me

OK, I just spoke to my manager. I am going to be out in your area delivering anyway and since these are already made, he said I could give them to you free of charge. If you want I can bring them by in the next 30-45 minutes?

Prankee

Well that�d be great! Thanks a lot!

Me

Our pleasure, sir. Have a nice evening.

Step 3: Now that the trap is set, it�s time to call Pizza Slut and place an order for Mr. Johnson of 1821 S West St.

It�s just that easy. Imagine the delivery boy shows up, two pies in hand and hands them over to the guy at the door, who then takes them and says, �Thanks,� and shuts the door behind him. The delivery boy is all like, �Hey, WTF dude,� and starts pounding on the door. �Sir, you have to pay for those.� The man is puzzled, �No you said I could have them for free.� �I did no such thing.� After a few minutes arguing the man gets infuriated and shoots the delivery boy� OK maybe he just throws the pizzas at him, but random shootings always make for better endings.

The problem with this, I was never able to see the gag played out. I must have done it a hundred times, but I never got to see the pay off. Maybe one of you will have more luck.

Until next time kids,

j

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