If a tree falls in your yard and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?
I don�t have a friggin� clue, but it sure makes one hell of a mess. If you haven�t guessed already, a tree fell in my front yard.
This tree:
I know you can�t really tell from the picture that is 6 months old and was taken in the middle of winter after all the leaves had fallen, but this tree is pretty big. When it decided to make like a banana and split, it covered my entire front yard and driveway.
But all was not lost. I was able to live my life long dream. It when something like this�
The weather out side was growing fierce. The wind howled as it made its way through every weak seal in every door or window it could find. The sky grew dark.
Worrying for my wife�s new Jeep Cherokee, I made my way to the front of the house. I had every intention of pulling the vehicle into its safe little nook inside the garage where it would be safe from the cricket ball sized hail I feared would soon follow. Imagine my surprise when I reached the front window. There before me lay the tree that had kept my home cool by snuggling it in its loving shade.
I was stunned. It was though a life long friend had just been shot before my eyes. I only knew the tree a short while. I didn�t even know its name and now it was too late. I had dreams we would play catch or I would build a tire swing for my kids. Those dreams will never be fulfilled.
My shock was interrupted when I realized the top of the trees branches were pressed firmly against the side of the Cherokee, the new Cherokee, the one with all the expensive add-ons, the one that is costing me an arm and a leg. �Bastard tree,� I thought.
Quickly I continued outside and pulled the vehicle into its shelter as the skies opened up and the rain fell. I cursed the tree under my breath, �F**king tree. What�d you ever do for me. You dumb ba$!@rd. I hope you burn in tree hell.� Realizing I was out of insults and there was nothing more I could do, I retired for the night.
The next morning I awoke. I checked the window to confirm the tree had not blown away or perhaps did the respectful thing and picked itself up off the ground and left. Indeed, it had not. I knew what I must do.
After a quick trip to the local Home Depot, I dawned my finest red flannel and confronted the tree with my newly purchased chain saw. We stared at each other for a moment. I knew I was making a mistake. I knew I could never take this tree on my own. I called in reinforcements.
A few minutes later my Father-in-law arrived brandishing his own deforestation tools. Together we dissected that tree like frog in 7th grade biology, hacking off limbs left at right. The pile of carnage grew as we sliced and diced the tree down to nothing but stumps.
We were victorious. The tree was no more. Our foe had been vanquished. Word went out through out the land, no tree dare to challenge us again.
Oh, what about the car, you ask. It was fine. The tree�s branches merely caressed its shiny exterior.
Have fun,
j
P.S. If you are in the KC area and need some fire wood, give me a shout.
1 people think they have something witty to say about this entry.
