Holy Fanboys, Batman!
The Legion of Super Friends: The E! True Hollywood Story
(Defenders of Truth, Justice, and The Geek Way)
As any avid reader of comic books can attest, the attraction to superheroes can be so strong that it can warp the minds of the most fanatical fans.� Tired of being ridiculed for their love of pop culture, several of these social misfits have organized to create The Legion of Super Friends, protectors of all that is holy to fanboys and girls everywhere.� We are about to take a look inside this once secret organization that few, if any, have ever had such unrestricted access to.
We'll begin our expose by introducing you to the two founders of The Legion of Super Friends.
Pat and Kris, as they are known to their friends, make up the collective that is Wonder Whore and Super Dirty Sanchez.� "Tired of being ridiculed for her, um his, uh mustache, Kris came to me and asked if I'd be interested in joining forces to create a new super group for our friends," Wonder Whore told us.� "I jumped at the chance."� When we asked Kris why she, uh he first became a costumed vigilanty, he, er she, uh it replied, "I've-a long since had thinkings of protecting those who-sa couldn'ts protect themselves.� Wonder Whore be helping me makes dat dream a reality."
A few years after the super duo joined forces they adopted their first child.� Though unaware at the time, their adopted child suffered from a degenerative form of midgitism.� Pictured here in a drunken rage after his 21st birthday party in his home town of London, The Boy Wonder as he is affectionately known, has had a troubled life.� The Boy Wonder opened up to our reporters late one afternoon after having one to many Guinnesses at a nearby pub, "I just don't get it.� Everyday women stop me on the street, pinch my cheeks, and say, 'Oh your so cute,' but when I grab myself a handful of their breasticles I get slapped and screamed at."
Another long time member is Kix Brooks, famed front man for the country super group Brooks & Dunn.� "I've always felt a big draw to the cape.� For years I watched and read of the adventures of the Legion and when they asked me to join I nearly shat myself," Kix said. "I'd had hoped when Ronnie finally agreed to join us he would of went with a more masculine alter ego, but he is found of his Punch and Judy marionettes, so his Judy outfit fit him naturally."
2-D man is seen here demonstrating his uncanny ability to appear two dimensional by removing all traces of shadow from his costumed physique.� Also pictured here is 2-D's third wife, Pamela Anderson, who said of their marriage, "When I finally got the courage to divorce 2-D, it was already too late.� I had contracted 17 different versions of herpes and 3 separate tapes of our sexcipades had been released on the Internet.� It was the worst mistake of my life."
Greasy Hair Man can be seen here defending the honor of his enormous protrusion, not-so discretely tucked away in his tiny red briefs, from his arch nemesis Big Dumb Meany.
In the late 70's, mob influence was running rampant through out America and the Legion of Super Friends was no exception.� The Undertaker, Tony Cantiloni, was discovered to have been a paid mafia informant when he purposely let the information slip during a softball game at the Legion's annual company picnic upon finding out Lady Lesbo had decided to switch teams to be with him.
Lady Lesbo, pictured here, turned to drugs and alternative life styles when she came to the realization that her and Tony were never going to work out.
Here Super Steve can be seen performing his civic duty as hall monitor for Orange County High School just before he was beaten to a pulp for asking the most popular kid in school for his hall pass.
Even Captain Backpack told us he is having a hard time watching the carbs these days.� He figures that as longs as he wears his underwear as high as he can get them, he will look thinner to the other Super Chicks he sees hanging around with his other super friends..
Many organizations have teamed up with the Legion to fight evil in their 25 year history.� Here we can see PETA co-founder, Ingrid Newkirk, enjoying her date with long time lover, Super Pooch.
The Super Siamese have been known to be the life of the annual Legion Christmas party.� After the Christmas parties were abolished for infringing on the rights of the Legions Muslim members, the twins had themselves surgically separated and are now working as greeters for Wal-mart.
"Tommy" as he is known by his fellow Legion members can often be found laughing, twitching, and uttering the occasional vulgar racial slur when his terrets flares up.
Its known through out the world that Ninja's hate pirates, well so does the Legion.� Here we can see a new member to the Legion hopeful going through one of the groups "hazing" rituals, as he shows his man boobs to an evil pirate, who only replied, "Harrrrrr," upon seeing the demonstration.
During the mid 80's Bette Midler was often seen hanging with the Legion.� Its reported she left to return to her singing carrier, but no evidence exists to support that rumor.
Other celebrities have also been members of the Legion from time-to-time.� Here Kenny Loggins is being stripped of his mild mannered disguise by the girls from Footloose, the rival group of the Legion.
Perhaps the biggest celebrity member of all was none other than Jesus, yes we said Jesus.� In documents dating back nearly 2000 years released by the Vatican, the world was stunned to discover Jesus was the first active member of The Legion of Super Friends.
Here we see the photo of Super Jesus that was contained in the Vatican released documents.
"Get in my belly!"� The war cry of popular legion member Super Fat Bastard has become a highly popular phrase with the youth of today.
The Legion is nothing if not inclusive, here we find two of its openly gay members frolicking at the local YMCA in Queens, New York, NY.
One of the most controversial� issues tackled by the Legion was that of hacker Kevin Mitnick.� Here Kevin's friend and fellow hacker, Gopher Face is pleading for his release.� Kevin was released three days later.
About to don his disguise, Wilbert, the oldest living member of the Legion, pushes our cameras out of his secret UFO Lab.
Tragically, Dyslexic Boy was killed when he drove his car through a busy intersection when the stop light turned red.
Once again, there is nothing the Legion won't do to help the world.� Bob the Builder is seen here helping Greece finish up last minute construction projects for the 2004 Olympics.
When asked by Walter Cronkite why Buckwheat left the Little Rascals for the Legion, he only replied, "Da biotches baaby, its all about dem biotches."
Buckwheat later grew to regret the comments he made to Mr. Cronkite after several underage women came forward claiming to have born his illigitment children and drained his vast Little Rascal fortune with child support. Today he lives off the charity of those he ones helped on the streets of New York .
**Slurrrp**� Super Stan casually holds the activator to the self destruct mechanism buried deep within the Legion of Super Friends' Fortress of Despair.
Here Faltuance Man is seen holding back his powers with all his might.
Lastly, we'll leave you with the Legion's newest member, Wedgy, being introduced to his classmates in his Special Education class.
The answer to the last question was indeed, GREEN. Congrats go to bigpimpinmba for being the first with the correct answer. 20 points are going his way and no one else gets anything, except JoeCartoon who correctly named all alcoholic beverages that combine well with Coca-Cola, 15 points have been awarded.
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The Sixth Question: Translate the following:
POL4ICY
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